Life As I Know It

by Sara King

It would suck to be born ugly and poor. Only the really rich can fix that.

Every Christmas when its time to get the tree, my mom sings her take on the Ying Yang Twins song 3, 6, 9 by singing, “3, 6, 9 its Christmas tree time!”

I recently discovered I’m a pretty good lip-syncer and may want to go pro. If my boo, Britney can do it, I can too!

If you’re wearing a santa hat, epesh at the club/bar, don’t even think about talking to me. Because I will ignore you so hard.

Black Swan was so intense/freaky/amazing. Natalie better win best actress.

I like my leftovers cold.

If I just met you and don’t respond to your endless texting, it means I’m not interested. Get a fucking clue dude! Or you’ll receive a not so nice message telling you stop. K thankzzzz.

Brought wine into the theatre when I saw Love and Other Drugs. Good thing I did because I saw Anne Hathaway’s tits too many times for me to enjoy it sober.

I thought hanging out at a mall was so 1995. Apparently its the place to be on a Saturday afternoon to holler at girls riding the escalator.

Spent a few afternoons at Starbucks being a young hipster with her Macbook and latte.

Boys suck at baking.

I would’ve rather worn leggings as pants and Uggs for an entire year than work on finals. Thats saying a lot because I really really despise both of them with a fiery passion.

“Every pole is a stripper pole.” – classmate H.

Britney Spears is coming out with a new album in March. Pause for my excited dance.

“You’re the help, you do not touch me.” – my mother.

My boss told a litter girl she couldn’t eat her ice cream in our store (duh) and the look on the little girls face was priceless. I loved it.

Don’t forget ladies, happiness is only a hair flip away.

You’re at a club. Change into something other than sweat pants. I know you own a pair of jeans.

I told my new teacher that she can call me Sara Boo in order to remember which Sara/h I am out of the 4 in my class.

Sucks that your girlfriend is ugly.

Legit saw a girl at a bar with toilet paper stuck to her heal.

My roommates drunk ass friend barged into my room thinking it was my roommates room, turned on my lights, woke me up at 2am and used my bathroom. Fucking college.

A really good way for me to not to be impressed by you is to text me, “wuts gud?”

“I just wanna look good enough to get some tonight.” – best friend M.

My gingerbread men are chocolate dipped: